Metal Steampunk Dice Review – Rolling Heavy Metal

Q-Workshop is known for making quality, themed dice for gaming. Now let’s be clear; any, cheap die will accomplish the same thing a die from Q-Workshop will do – generate a random number from 1 to the number of sides of the die. What these dice bring to the table is style and flavor. It just feels right to play a fantasy swords and sorcery game with dice that etched with dragons or Dwarven symbols on each side.

If you are nodding in approval, your geek is showing. I’m cool with it but if you aren’t, click over to Sports Illustrated, quick.

In the case of the Metal Steampunk Dice, they also add a distinct feel. These are D6 (six-sided dice like you get with Monopoly, for the uninitiated). And what a difference with these dice – silver, solid metal cubes, slightly smaller than the usual 16mm dice (the box does not specify the exact size, but I estimate them to be 14mm-15mm), with the numbers 1-6 engraved ornately on each side.

Just picking up the box of 5 dice, you immediately get a sense of the heft. As the box says, “These dice were made to last ages!” The dice are solid metal – not hollow. The engraving is well crafted on each face, and the dice are uniform, as you would expect. The manufacturer claims the black paint in the engravings will never wear off. Time will tell, but I think that’s probably true as long as they are properly stored and kept away from moisture.

Rolling these dice, they do not tumble like plastic dice do. They roll, but not far. And you want to have a proper game table to do this on. Rolling on a wood or (forbid the thought) a glass table is just too noisy and could possibly damage the table surface. So yes, it’s different, playing with solid metal dice. But it also feels solid and earthen and real. When you roll metal dice to say, deal damage to a random encounter monster in Talisman, you feel like you put your fingers through a pair of brass knuckles and threw a punch. You sense the weight of a sword in your hand.  In Risk, you feel the mighty weight of your forces attempting to occupy a new territory.  In Illuminati, you feel the power of your Illuminati, attempting to control, neutralize or destroy a group.

And that is what you bought; the atmosphere and feeling that solid metal dice bring to the gaming table. Gaming is after all, a simulation that is enriched by how our minds perceive it. For some people, something like metal dice seems a foolish extravagance, but to me, it enhances the precious little time I have to play games with family and friends. It enriches the experience and makes it feel extraordinary. At least, that’s how I choose to feel. Plastic dice would work absolutely fine. But they are plastic.

So, what must one pay for a boxed set of 5 Metal D6 Steampunk Dice? I paid $39.99 at a local retailer, Sci-Fi Factory. You can get them on Amazon for $34.99, but I’d rather patronize my local brick and mortar store. Lord knows, B&M stores have a tough go of it competing with online retailers, and I try to support them whenever I can.

If your gaming budget allows for extravagant accessories, Metal Steampunk Dice from Q-Workshop are definitely a quality addition you can enjoy for years and years. 

Note that Q-Workshop also make a metal steampunk set of 6 dice, one each of: d4, d6, d8, d10, d12, and d20.

I am Looking Forward to Of Dice and Men by David Ewalt

The year was 1980, and I was  seventeen years old and carried D&D books in a brown, vinyl briefcase.  If you think carrying a Trapper Keeper attracted bullies, just try carrying a briefcase.   I caused myself a lot of unnecessary trouble and anxiety – something my awkward teenage self did not need, but I survived.  Now, I proudly acknowledge that I played D&D back when it was uncool.  It’s still uncool, but less so than say – Pokémon players.  Now, those guys are geeks!  I mean, C’mon!  A Beholder could take out Pikachu any day of the week.

Yeah baby.  I was a Dungeon Master when Dungeon Master wasn’t cool (and didn’t have S&M connotations).  I rolled my weird dice behind my cardboard DM shield with ratio tables on it, and I took my player characters – my friends – through an adventure the likes of which Tolkien’s Frodo or Bilbo might have undertaken, or even Fritz Leiber’s Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser.

I loved the escapism Role Playing Games offered, and Gary Gygax’s D&D created the genre.  It was the shoulders that so many after it stood upon.  I knew D&D when it was just a game – not a franchise.  And despite the beatings from bullies, I fondly remember the times playing D&D.  I remember how I felt – how it unlocked a dimension between reality and fantasy, unlike anything movies or books could do.  In this place, you could make your own decisions how the story would unfold.  You would not merely observe – you would be a participant.

Those were the days, and that’s why I’m looking forward to David Ewalt’s new book: Of Dice and Men

The promo for Of Dice and Men reads:

Ancient red dragons with 527 hit points, +44 to attack, and a 20d10 breath weapon, to be specific. In the world of fantasy role-playing, those numbers describe a winged serpent with immense strength and the ability to spit fire. There are few beasts more powerful—just like there are few games more important than Dungeons & Dragons.

Even if you’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons, you probably know someone who has: the game has had a profound influence on our culture. Released in 1974—decades before the Internet and social media—Dungeons & Dragons inspired one of the original nerd subcultures, and is still revered by millions of fans around the world. Now the authoritative history and magic of the game are revealed by an award-winning journalist and lifelong D&D player.

In Of Dice and Men, David Ewalt recounts the development of Dungeons & Dragons from the game’s roots on the battlefields of ancient Europe, through the hysteria that linked it to satanic rituals and teen suicides, to its apotheosis as father of the modern video-game industry. As he chronicles the surprising history of the game’s origins (a history largely unknown even to hardcore players) and examines D&D’s profound impact, Ewalt weaves laser-sharp subculture analysis with his own present-day gaming experiences. An enticing blend of history, journalism, narrative, and memoir, Of Dice and Men sheds light on America’s most popular (and widely misunderstood) form of collaborative entertainment.

The book releases in all formats from Simon and Schuster on August 20, 2013.

I’m in – preordered.  Make me proud, David Ewalt, and I will open up my Trapper Keeper, take out my Monster Manual v1 and ask you to autograph it.  But not in ink – I’m trying to maintain it’s near mint condition.

 

Of Mice and Men by David M. Ewalt on Amazon.

Book Review: Ready Player One by Ernie Cline

Note: NO SPOILERS AHEAD. NONE. A whole number less than one. 0=n where n is the number of spoilers.

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline, 374 pages, published by Broadway Paperbacks. $14.00

The year is 2044. The Great Recession has taken its toll on the world’s economy and resources are scarce. The Internet and online gaming culture have evolved into the OASIS (Ontologically Anthropocentric Sensory Immersive Simulation), a massively multiplayer online simulation game created by James Halliday and Ogden Morrow of Gregarious Simulation Systems (GSS).

When Halliday dies with no heirs or other living family, he leaves a video will, saying whoever can collect three keys that are hidden throughout the universe of OASIS and pass through the matching gates will receive his fortune and controlling stake in GSS.

This becomes known as the Hunt and people immediately begin the search for Halliday’s Easter Egg. Those searching for the Egg are referred to as “gunters,” a combination of “egg” and “hunters.” Gunters devote an enormous amount of time to studying 1980s pop culture – the decade Halliday grew up in and was obsessive about – in the hope it will assist them with solving the puzzles involved with the egg and winning Halliday’s inheritance and control of OASIS.

Hey! I grew up in the 80s! I know more about 80’s pop culture than I do about the politics of the time. This made Ready Player One a book I not only devoured, I feel like it was written for me. Everything from the AD&D references (yes, I was once a Dungeon Master, and killed many a character in module S1 – Tomb of Horrors), to the pop songs of the day, to arcade video games to the lines from War Games or Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I loved it. I would have been one heck of a gunter.

I think this book will appeal to anyone who grew up during the 1975-1990 period, particularly if you were (are?) a geek. The many references to pop culture of the time and the way they are tied into the fast-moving story are effortless and compulsive. Great characters, lots of action and a rewarding conclusion. What more could you want?

Go read it, and if you are the sort to indulge in the spirits, you can try this drink, posted on nerdfriday.com: Three Keys (a drink inspired by Ready Player one)

I don’t have the right liquors to mix it, but I’d be interested in hearing your experiences with it.

Related articles

• Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (theliterarywormhole.wordpress.com)
• Ready Player One: Ernest Cline (planetdystopia.wordpress.com)
• AMC to ‘Geek Out’ with Ernest Cline (variety.com)
• Jen K’s #CBR5 Review #36: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline (cannonballread5.wordpress.com)
• AMC Orders Fanboy Reality Pilot Starring Ernest Cline (deadline.com)

Review: Betas Amazon Original Series – Pilot

Set in the land of Silicon Valley start-ups, Betas follows four friends as they attempt to strike it rich with a new mobile social networking app.

Written by Evan Endicott and Josh Stoddard and directed and produced by Michael Lehmann (True Blood, Dexter) along with Emmy Award winners Alan Freedland and Alan Cohen (King of the Hill), and Academy Award nominee Michael London (Sideways). The pilot episode also features Ed Begley Jr. and Moby.

There’s a lot of talent behind this show and it’s evident. Having watched several of the pilots for upcoming shows on Amazon Original Series, this is the most polished.

The four main characters in Betas follows a formulae that is rock solid but a little overused. Some reviews likened them MCs to caricatures, but you don’t care what happens to a caricature, and I did like these guys and want to see them succeed – after struggling horribly through hell – of course.

The ambitious Jay is the easiest to identify with. He knows what he wants and hasn’t got a clue about how to get it. He plays the roll least anti-normal and is likeable.

Avinash (Nash) is neurotic and easily shaken, but brilliant at what he does – coding. He uses soft rock to relax – think Christopher Cross or Toto – and has an abort sequence he uses often in social situations that become overwhelming, which is all of them.

Mitch (yes, same name as me – real funny. Ha-ha-ha) is socially inept around the opposite sex – and is none-to-competent around those of the same sex – but has a hopeless crush on a particular girl at his place of employment.

Hobbs is the crude, street-wise friend who lacks social grace but is likable, nonetheless. We are introduced to him as he’s having video sex in a laundromat while waiting for his clothes to dry. Hobbs helps offset the introverted personalities of the other MCs.

Betas is like Big Bang Theory, but crude.  Unlike BBT,  I think Betas is too insider for its own good, between the technical jargon and the quick, geek banter, it might lose some audiences.  I dig Betas, but I’ve worked for Microsoft for 18 years.  I am a geek.

I’ll watch this and I’ll pay for it.    Betas is a smart, funny show.  I want to see this series take off and dominate the world, one geek at a time.

Trailer for Betas–Amazon Original Series

Watch the brilliant pilot episode here, on Amazon Instant Video.

Elite Tweaked Geek Chic

These are real items that are for sale right now (as of this writing).

 

Darth Vader Helmet made of Swarovski Crystal ($5,999.99)

When Vader hits the night clubs on Naboo, he wants shizzle and pop on the dance floor, babies. That’s when he polishes up his Swarovski Crystal Helmet, puts on his boogie shoes and goes out to paint the town red (with the blood of anyone who laughs at his hot, hot moves).

 

Hyper-realistic Star Trek Leonard Nimoy Spock bust ($9,500 and up)

This bust is made of silicone, with separately made acrylic eyes, hand-punched hair and extremely accurate tunic, complete with the Starfleet emblem. This amazing sculpture is more than just a conversation piece; it will assure you of never being burdened by having a girlfriend, ever.

 

SEVEN OF NINE (7 of 9) Life-Size Resin Figure STAR TREK VOYAGER ($1750)

If you sprung for the Spock bust (which is sure to frighten away every real girl within a two-block radius), never fear. You can also get a fake, Borg-assimilated-woman. This highly detailed resin figure has been made for the "real fan" of Jeri Ryan/Seven Of Nine.

The EBay posting says it is ‘slightly used’. Ew.

 

Office Warrior Rubberband Machine Gun ($895.00)

Office Warrior Rubber Band Machine Gun is an engineering work of wonder that holds 144 individual rubber bands. Just like an old-fashioned Gatling Gun, this monster can unload its ammo as fast as you can crank the handle.  Only this one shoots rubber bands – nothing else.  Just shoots rubber bands.

 

18k White Gold and Diamond TIE Fighter Necklace ($3,200)

You know, for when you get a girlfriend. Or just put it on your life-size Jeri Ryan doll.

 

Doctor Who Coat Duster Replica ($359.00)

For those trying to imitate the 10th Doctor’s style, the perfect coat has always been the most difficult part of the ensemble to replicate. This amazing replica, a limited edition costume piece approved by the folks at the BBC. 

For the real Doctor Who fan, or the pervert who wants to flash old ladies at the bus stop.  Looks like it would work for either purpose.

 

 

 

 

Life-Size Han Solo in Carbonite ($2,900)

Because Han solo would never willingly hang out at your place, you had to freeze him in Carbonite to keep him there. Note that the hands are not quite right – it’s not the real Han Solo, frozen in Carbonite!

The Emissary Dining\Gaming Table ($2750 – $4000)

Geek Chic makes a beautiful dining table that converts into a Board\RPG\Puzzle\Card game table, with features like a dropped surface, hinged privacy screen (for the GM), cup holders, a dice tower, drawers with compartments for counters and playing pieces, etc.

Seriously, I would love this.

 

Elaborate Cosplay Costumes ($infinite)

This one can go all over the map, but there is no limit to what sort of costume you can create if you have the money and er – bravery – to wear such a thing. Pictured here is Medieval Batman Knight and Medieval Aquaman. Seriously – you can be any hero, but you chose Aquaman?

 

R2-D2 Made Into Stuff – pretty much anything you can imagine. ($Varies)

Replica, life-size R2D2 Robots, trashcans or DVD projectors.

There is really no limit to something being made into a replica of R2-D2, with common sense being no factor at all in the decision-making process.

 

We’ll conclude on that note.  I have to go check my bids on EBay.  I’d hate getting sniped out of my winning bid on the slightly used (ew) Jeri Ryan doll.

TV Series Review: Finding Bigfoot – or Not

Animal Planet has a new series, FINDING BIGFOOT, seeking evidence that the elusive creatures exist. They call it, Finding Bigfoot, because giving it an honest name like, Looking for Bigfoot and Finding Nothing at All is not likely to capture viewer’s attention. TV viewers, we are a fickle crowd, are we not?

The show sports a colorful cast of investigators: Bigfoot Field Research Organization (BFRO) president Matt Moneymaker, researchers James “Bobo” Fay and Cliff Barackman, along with skeptical scientist and voice of reason, Ranae Holland. The show follows them from one locale to the next as they investigate Sasquatch (a.k.a. Bigfoot) sitings.

Each episode, they examine blurry photos and shadowy videos, speak to local witnesses, and use night-vision and heat-sensing cameras to try to find Bigfoot in areas where others claim to have seen them. My favorite part is when they stand in the woods somewhere at night, illuminated green by the night-vision cameras, and try to lure the creatures with their Sasquatch calls. It’s great stuff when a coyote or owl calls back and they get excited, thinking it might be a Sasquatch communicating back to them. Of course, it never is.

Unfortunately, nothing is conclusive or even likely, but the editors of the show make the most of this faithful group not finding anything at all, episode after episode.

Matt Moneymaker says he has been searching for Bigfoot for over 25 years. The others on the team have been looking for years as well. Each place they go, they find other Bigfoot hunters or at least believers. There is an organization dedicated to finding these creatures, using state of the art technology. With all of that, no one can turn up anything concrete that these things even exist. Not a body of the creature, not even a decent video or photo. Bigfoot is more difficult to find than Osama bin Laden. Believing in Bigfoot is indeed, a matter of faith.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that Sasquatch are real. If they do exist, they obviously want to be left alone. How else do you explain how they have evaded the hunters for so long?  That has to be intentional.

If Bigfoot hunters really have the respect for these creatures that they claim to have, they would respect their desire for privacy and leave them alone. I mean, even Mormons will go away if you don’t answer the door when they knock. Take a hint from them, Bobo.

When I was a kid, I was into UFO phenomena. It wasn’t a big stretch to add things like Bigfoot, Yeti, the Loch Ness Monster or Chupacabra to my growing interest in the fantastic and unproven. I loved the episodes of Six-Million Dollar Man that featured the bionic Bigfoot. Then I grew up and stopped following such things, but have always been fascinated by the idea of a mythical creatures or aliens, so I can’t poke too much fun at this show. After all, I haven’t missed a single episode.  I may be their biggest fan. And these guys parleyed such a ridiculous premise into a TV series. Matt Moneymaker is indeed, living up to his surname.

And maybe, one day – they may find Bigfoot, who will kill them for relentlessly pursuing him all these years. What can I say? I root for the underdog.

© 2013, Mitch Lavender

I Can’t Believe They Made That–Part 1

There are some amazing for sale – things so cool, you absolutely must buy it, no matter what it costs. And then there are the things that are amazing because they make you go, WTF? The amazing thing is that they exist. Someone believed the world needed this thing, and paid real money getting it made and marketed, and presumably, other people are actually buying them.

I wasted some time browsing the bargains on ThinkGeek.com recently, and these are some of the WTF-amazing things I found.

Star Trek Tribble Slippers with Sound – $12.99

Yes. House slippers that are made of the fictional, furry, prolifically replicating pet from Star Trek. Apparently, they are supposed to be alive, as they make “tribble sounds” as you walk around in them. Absurdity of the actual design aside, it’s just cruel. Yes, the site says the tribbles are happy like this. What else are they going to to tell you? Tribble Slippers are Murder, I say!   Or it would be if tribbles were real.

Flying F*CK R/C Helicopter – $10.99

When it comes to gift-giving, I don’t give a flying f*ck. This r/c helicopter is made of the infamous four-letter word and it flies. Maybe you are the sort to give a flying f*ck. You could be that guy. I don’t know why you would want to, but you could.

USB Pet Rock – $6.99

If you remember the 70’s, you probably remember the Pet Rock. This is the new version, made for the computer-connected world. Just because something can be made to plug into a USB port doesn’t mean it should be made to plug into a USB port. Just like its predecessor, it doesn’t do anything. At all.

DIY Wooden Knife

So, it’s a knife made of wood, including the wooden blade. That makes it almost useless as a device to cut stuff, commonly known as a knife. And it comes unassembled and must be put together. Hm.

Alright, I do see the value in a kit-toy. People spend hours putting jigsaw puzzles together, and what purpose does it serve when it is completed? So the DIY Wooden Knife is like that – the fun and enjoyment comes from assembling it. It’s marketed as a way to teach kids about knife safety. That’s all wrong. They should market it as a DIY Vampire Stake, but what do I know.

~~~~~

This will be an ongoing series and is an effort to draw at least a small bit of productivity out of wasting two hours browsing goofy gadgets on The Internet.  I’ll update the post with a personal review of the Tribble Slippers after they arrive.  Yes, Tribble Slippers may be murder, but they look really comfortable!

© 2013, Mitch Lavender

Geeky Gifts Under $30 For the Geek in Your life

Geeks are tough to buy for because they like such weird stuff. To make matters worse, geeks buy the latest new thing for themselves as soon as it comes out, so you are left with what… gift certificates to Best Buy or iTunes?

If you want your gift to be more personal and you are on a budget, here is a list of cheap, geeky gifts that will show you care without breaking the bank, and hopefully, these things are obscure enough that the geeks on your shopping list don’t already have one. All of these items are under $30, and because this is my list, they are Geek Certified.

Note that I refer to all geeks in the male context, but Geeks cross gender boundaries and women can certainly be geeks, too. Please just take it as read. Geeks are often socially awkward, so if you know a single girl geek, pairing her up with a single guy geek is probably the best present you could ever give either of them, at least until they start fighting over which captain is better, Kirk or Piccard.

For the science geek: You probably shouldn’t buy them a Newton’s cradle or anything so passé. Consider the Mythbusters Blueprint Magnets Set or I reject your reality & substitute my own T-shirt. If that’s a wash, maybe a Large Hadron Collider t-shirt will fit the bill, or a shirt, mug, or bag with a DNS strand exposed by gel electrophoresis on it.

For the space geek: look, these guys universally love the accomplishments of man to better understand the cosmos. That said, Space Shuttle is history and IIS is the hot ticket, right now. Consider a few IIS expedition patches, like the astronauts wore. If they don’t own an iron or can’t sew, then try the Hubble Space telescope polo shirt.

For the literary geek: Out of Print has very cool shirts, e-book reader jackets, coasters and such, taken from covers of classic books. Clockwork Orange, Old Man and the Sea, and Slaughterhouse Five are all cool art (and incredible novels). Also note that every item purchased donates a book to a child in a third world country.

For the conspiracy geek: They are out there, the guys that frequent alt.black.helicopters or whatever, still looking for the crashed UFO at Area 51. And now, you want to buy them a present. Above Top Secret is an exposé book by Jim Marrs, dedicated to the topics of conspiracies, UFOs, paranormal, secret societies and so on. Or, if they want to hide their USB drive containing their super-secret stuff, they might appreciate the Dirty Underwear Hidden Safe. Ew.

For the cubicle-dwelling geek: Cube-toys abound, but stay away from common stress toys that need to be squeezed. Any cube-dwelling geek worth his salt has a number of these already, and unless they collect unique squeeze-toys, stay clear. Go for something unique, like the Office Monkeys Play Set, or a copy of the book, Cubicle Warfare: 101 office Traps and Pranks. Note that this book should only be given to a cubicle-dwelling geek who can ascertain for themselves what might be over the line, outright offensive, or an action that could result in termination of employment. That narrows the list of potential receivers a bit.

For the zombie geek: There are two kinds of zombie geek, those that think it could really happen and those that just think zombie movies are cool. For the ones that think it could really happen, the Zombie Emergency Response Operations Packet would be a welcome addition to their bug-out bag. For the less paranoid but not less weird counterparts who just think zombies are cool, take a browse through the AMC The Walking Dead Store, or pick them up the Walking Dead Board Game.

For the survival geek: They like to be called Preppers. Whatever. They will groove all kinds of survivalist gadgets and tools, but it can’t be cheaply made. That doesn’t mean they can’t be cheap. How about an Israeli Civi Gas Mask with Nato Filter? Or maybe a military bag or pack from Flying Tigers Army / Navy Surplus? Or, for the fashion-conscious Prepper, the 2-pack of 300 lb. Paracord Bracelets. Contrary to popular belief among geeks, the towel is not the single most valuable survival tool. It is paracord. Yeah, I said it. Douglas Adams was wrong.

For the bad-boy geek: These are rare, but if you are shopping for one, a listing of local bail bondsmen would be a good investment. I’m not going to recommend lock-picks or anything, but why not get him the complete season of Beyond Scared Straight and help the boy get right, eh?

For the goth geek: Whatever you get them, make sure it is black or has a skull on it, or is black and has a skull on it. Honestly, I have no idea what to get them. If they can’t slit their wrists with it, they won’t appreciate the gift, anyway.

Maybe body jewelry from Spencers might fit the piercing – a nice nose stud or thoughtful nipple ring, perhaps? Or get him a couple of skull shot glasses to toast the bleak hopelessness of mankind. Really, you only need to get him one. He probably drinks alone.

For the Muslim\Hindu\Jewish\vegan geek: Some don’t eat meat of any kind, but none of them will eat pork. This means they do not experience the bliss of bacon. While it contains no actual bacon, they can get the imitation taste of it from Bacon flavored jelly beans. BaconFreak.com has bacon flavored everything, from gumballs and soda to pancakes and coffee. Just be sure you are getting them something that doesn’t have real bacon in it. Mmmm. Real bacon.

For the underdressed geek: T-shirts that most people don’t understand is a geek standby. Hell, I’ve even been known to have shirts made when I couldn’t find ones that say what I wanted! Hit Snorgtees and take a look around. I recommend the “Wanted dead & alive: Schrodinger’s cat” shirt for the well-read, philosophical geek, or the “5-day forecast for Alderaan” for the Star Wars geek. There’s a lot here and you can pick and choose, but have a theme in mind – something your geek digs. You certainly do not want to make the faux pas of giving an STNG shirt to an original Trek guy.

For the young geek in training: For geeky kids, Dinosaurs are almost always a hit. Consider the Raptor hoodie shirt, or maybe the Discovery moon in my room that rotates through the 12 lunar phases would work.

If none of these things are a fit for your particular geek, take a look at Think Geek. Poke around the site and I bet you will find something that works. Geeks – we are a weird bunch. I wish you all the best in your shopping endeavors.

~~~~~

About the author: Mitch Lavender has worked for Microsoft for 18 years and considers meeting Gene Rodenberry the highlight of his childhood, which either means he has liked Trek from an early age or he had a very bad childhood. An author of several published zombie stories; he watches The Walking Dead religiously and collects comics that feature artwork by Steranko or Kirby. He still has his D&D gaming stuff. Despite all of this, he has a wife.