So You are Gay

This is not something I thought I would ever write about, but since it’s been challenged by a friend in another forum, here it is: I don’t care if you are gay.

When I say I don’t care – it means I am not opposing the rights of gay people and I’m not marching in the street to lobby for gay marriage, either. It also means that I will be your friend regardless of your sexual preference, and if I chose not to be your friend, you are probably just a douche. Gay absolutely, 100% does not matter to me. Why would it? I’ve been married to the same woman for 25 years, and I love her more now than the day I married her. I’m secure in my sexuality. You should be too. We all should be. Yay us.


What I fail to understand (and do not want anyone to explain), is why some people chose to define themselves by their sexual preference – gay or not gay.

You have a rainbow sticker on your car bumper.  Wow, you are such an activist.

There are so many things about personality that define you in meaningful ways, why would the gender you have sex with rank anywhere close to Top 10? To put it bluntly – your sexual preference is as interesting as your choice of bread at the grocery store.

So look – if you are gay, there will always be people who oppose your rights and label you. I’m not one of them. But do not let GAY be the only banner you define yourself by. Be everything that is you and that you care for, and I sincerely hope that means you love and share a special bond with someone. My relationship with my wife is the greatest reward of my life. It is not perfect, but it has amounted to a life I am very grateful to be living.

Maybe one day – we won’t be gay or straight, republican or democrat, white or black, Catholic, Baptist, Buddhist,  Hindu or Atheist. Maybe one day, we will all  see each other as people.


8 thoughts on “So You are Gay

  1. Well said.
    We are all just part of the same energy field. The only person who maybe would give a flying fox is his/her mother — if she were expecting grandkids, she may be sorely disappointed.

  2. Wow. I feel this is a bit unfair. Of course you don’t have to parade around saying you’re straight. The world is already geared toward and planned around you. For the LGBT community, everything we’re involved with has an asterisk next to it. Think about it. And in my experience, the people who say what you’ve said, or have this same opinion, just don’t really believe that being gay is real. They still have a piece of them that thinks it’s all something gay people do to get attention… and sometimes straight people are a little afraid of having to share rights or attention equally. They’ve not had to worry about losing their job, or discrimination (in this area, anyway), or being bashed, or growing up wondering if you should just commit suicide because the world says you aren’t welcome or don’t fit in. They also tend to not have a lot of loved ones around them who have come out or struggled with the issue.

    This comment was waaaaaay longer, but I decided to breathe and maybe come back later. 🙂

    • Hi Patrick.

      I get what you are saying, and the defensive posture with the world as your adversary is _not_ unwarranted. I’m not your enemy and I’m not discriminating people who choose a gay lifestyle. I certainly am not in some sort of denial that gay does not exist, nor am I threatened by someone who has a different orientation, as long as they do not get militant or invasive.

      That you or anyone is gay simply does not matter to me. It can matter to you, and that’s fine.

      Anyone who takes too extreme a stand on anything becomes challenging to support or even be around. It could be about being gay, or pro-life, gun control\gun rights, or religion. Anyone who gets extreme and tries to force their way of thinking onto others – that’s too much.

      I think you live in a world where, daily, you feel like others are trying to force you into thinking differently. I’m sorry that is. But it ain’t me. I’ve got my battles to fight, too. Let’s not pick fights with those who are not our enemies.

      • I guess what I’m trying to say is, sometimes these statements of “I don’t care if you’re gay” come off as very insensitive, as yours did for me. There’s a lot more to this whole gay pride thing… and that bumper sticker may mean a lot more than what you see… and it may be more about them than you. But maybe more importantly, I would hope that with anyone we have a friendship with in our lives, “caring”, rather that not, would be a basic place you’d want to start.

      • Then you clearly have a misunderstanding of what equal is. You’re looking for props for tolerating someone for wanting and needing the same level of rights you have. But this is all good to know. Scared and oppressed white people syndrome. I get it now. We don’t have to continue this.

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