This is a story I started during the Nanowrimo Marathon on April 12, 2014. Current word count is 2600 words, but it’s not finished. I will be posting the story in parts of about 600-1000 words, twice a week. As I write new parts, I’ll also post those.
A big, bobble-head nod to the movies, Alien and Body Snatchers, and the books by David Wong that influenced this write.
I hope you like it.
Remember, Karen, you said you wanted to know why I haven’t called.
Have you ever been talking to someone and knew exactly what you wanted to say, but couldn’t seem to find the word? The more you try to remember it, the more it seems just beyond your reach. Hours later, the word suddenly comes to you, but it’s too late. That happen to you? That’s the alien brain parasite adjusting itself inside your skull, somewhere near the temporal lobe.
Now, I see the look on your face and I know what you are thinking. “I don’t have an alien brain parasite,” you will say.
Let me ask you this: How do you know? Have you had a CT scan or MRI of your head done recently? No? Yet you are sure, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you do not have an alien brain parasite residing in your cranium.
You see, once an alien brain parasite takes up residence, initially around the back of the head – in the area of the cerebellum and occipital lobe, it spreads it’s tentacles to the other areas of the brain. Using a powerful neurotoxin it produces in a small sack that hangs below its pincher-jaws, it stimulates the part of the brain that controls skepticism. My point is, the more sure you are that you do not have an alien brain parasite but have no solid evidence to support that conclusion, the more likely it is that you actually do have one.
You aren’t alone, and I don’t mean that in the, me and my alien brain parasite, we go everywhere together kind of way, though that is kind of funny. I mean there are a lot of people who are infected. So… misery loves company? I don’t know. I thought you might find that, you know – comforting.
They look a lot like crabs, if you were wondering, except they have jellyfish-like tentacles. They have a mouth on the underside with multiple rows of razor wire-like teeth, like a shark. The shell is pretty soft when they are little, but once they get inside someone and start eating their brain, they grow and the shell hardens.
The thing is, they grow, even if they don’t eat brains. I had one in an aquarium and I swear, it went from the size of a nickel to the size of a deflated football in two months, and I never fed it anything. His name was Jeff. He broke the aquarium and got lose. Haven’t seen him since.
Anyway, I expect you are wondering how someone who has an alien brain parasite gets rid of them. By the way, “alien brain parasite” is quite a mouthful. From here on, I’m going to call them crabs, OK? So once you have a crab, how do you get rid of it? It’s a logical question.
There are several solutions. Icepick to the temple or a bullet, fired from a gun placed in your mouth, but pointed up usually works. And I do mean pointed UP, towards the brain. Not straight back, where you’ll blow out your medulla and spinal cord, but leave the crab. I also heard of one guy who jumped head first into a wood chipper, but it has to be a really big wood chipper, and most people don’t have access to such a thing.
How do you get rid of a brain crab and live? Oh. Well, you don’t. No, there isn’t an operation you can have to remove it. That does remind me of a story. Look, I’ll tell you how I learned about brain crabs, OK?
(end of part one)
© 2014, Mitch Lavender